Reflecting on my experience right now is what I have chosen to write about. But the other amazing women in the circle have even more! So when your finished with my post circle around and enjoy!
It's Christmas time. Usually I am so excited at this time of year but I just can't fully jump for joy this year. I have been so busy with trying to keep the business going, creating interesting classes, revamping my business to become my dream job. Trying to come up with money just to pay the rent for the shop is a big bummer. I know it's the first year of the business and I can expect this. It still gets me down. I don't have time to relax and enjoy the season much.
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| My daughter wearing the Santa glasses and singing |
I have been listening to Christmas music, decorating the tree, putting out all the holiday fun things like the glasses that make the Christmas lights into different shapes; Snowpeople, Santa, Angels and Stars. We love these! I have been buying presents, making presents and eventually I will get around to making the cookies. The cookies are a family tradition. My dad used to make cookies every year for Christmas and give them out to us in fancy tins filled with half peanut blossoms and half russian tea cakes. Then he realized he was gluten intolerant and stopped. At that time I decided to take over because the kids and other family members still wanted cookies so, I started making the usual ones my Dad made and then added my own gluten and sugar free versions so my Dad could still eat them.
I have been collecting tins all year!
I just don't have the excitement this year that I usually have. I should have started making dough by now but I have no time. It seems everything I try to do sucks. I decorated the inside of the house in lights before Thanksgiving to get in the mood early. My husband and son complained about how I decorated and said it wasn't very symmetrical so a few weeks later when I was decorating the tree I changed the lights to be more symmetrical yep it looked better they were right. I am realizing when others around me are negative I try to stay positive but deep down it just tears me up inside. It's like a cell in a vast amount of cells, if it has gone bad all the others go bad. I decorate for them so they enjoy the beautiful lights and have a good time. I am trying to be the cell that is healthy and makes all the others healthy. I am trying to stay positive. I meditate and practice compassion for those who are being negative. I guess it just makes me sad how we make ourselves miserable with our negative thoughts. I wish we were positive all the time! I can try to be the anchor but ultimately I can't control other people so I take care of my own mind and sometimes it's easy and other times not.
I decorated the tree and didn't have enough white lights so I had to use red and then multicolored lights. It looks different. It kinda sucks but it's done. It's a decorated tree. My daughter and her friend helped me decorate it. It's got style. My daughter was talking about how she likes it when people decorate their car with the reindeer nose and antlers. I tried to find this... but where does anyone buy these things? Instead I found a nice wreath that is made out of jingle bells and strapped that to the front of the car. When we go down the street we jingle. My daughter loves it! My husband on the other hand does not. It might scratch the paint. Oh no, I didn't think about that! So, it comes down to my half assed way of doing things once again. I have an idea and try to do my best to make it happen, I rush through and it turns out looking different or ruining things. My Husband says I need a plan, I don't think it through. I just want to get it done so we can enjoy it. Now I have put tape on the one bell that was touching the paint, after all and I do want to take care of it! There are many presents under the tree this year. I hope they all like them I worked really hard on getting everyone what they might like this year. Stocking stuffers are my favorite! I love finding rare toys and candies.We have to be grateful to have so many things like a house, family, health and food. The basics so many don't have. Then on top of it we have presents, and more. I know that without my Husband we would be in a much worse situation this year. He has supported us to no end! Thanks Robin! :) My son has helped out tremendously with my daughter. And the topper is that my Mom is coming for Christmas! Last year she was not so we are excited to have her here. She always made Christmas so much fun!
The fact that this last month has been one of loss to so many people is sad. I pray that those effected by the tragedies of these days are able to cope and be filled with blessings of a peaceful mind. I wish you all a Warm and Happy Holiday Season!
Blessings,
Chandra
Hop on over to Suzanne McRae to see what she's reflecting on.
Hi Chandra!
ReplyDeleteReading your reflections was good for me. I was able to really connect with you on several reflections. Cookies+Christmas... I miss this tradition so much. All all of my extended family has passed, but maybe this year we can carry on the tradition with the small family left. i'm also a mixed bag of emotions this year so I can relate to what you are feeling. There's been a lot of change for many of us the past few months. HuGGs! Debi
Thanks Debi, it's good to know your not the only one who feels this way! I'll move past it, it's good to release in writing.
DeleteIt is so easy to be hard on ourselves. And we women seem to take on so much more for some reason. Thank you for sharing and may this holiday be a great one for you and yours!
ReplyDeleteSo true I am hard on myself. thanks :)
DeleteWith so much to do during the holiday season we rarely get to enjoy it much ourselves. And now with starting up a creative biz that just adds to the mix. I feel what you're saying. Maybe we just need to slow down a bit, take a deep breath and say Merry Christmas! Enjoy
ReplyDeleteYes breath and enjoy thanks :)
DeleteJuniper, I exactly know what you mean when you say how the negative attitude of the people around us affect us. No matter how strong and positive you are there are days when everything feel harder. You are not alone and we all go through this at times. I am realising slowly that the festive season can be overwhelming and we can exhaust ourselves with the pressure of making everybody happy except ourselves. So this year I am slowing down and shifting focus.
ReplyDeleteHope you have an wonderful Xmas (BTW your deocations are lovely)
Thanks I have been able to slow down now and I am relaxing more and wishing others happiness! Thanks for your comment and have a great Xmas as well. :)
DeleteGetting out of the "please-perfect-perform" mindset is difficult, especially when the people around you seem to be "expecting" you to be perfect. But none of us and none of them are or ever will be! Be gentle to yourself, you deserve it 200%, and you should be proud to have managed all that while working so hard! Is the paint of the car really that important?... Love <3
ReplyDeleteLaly
Thanks Laly! I agree with you! I like that I always have to remember to be more gentle on myself. All the things really aren't that important. What's most important is my state of mind. Its how I see things that make me suffer. I must be positive. :) happy Holidays to you!
DeleteWell to start Chandra, we have the same kind of decorated tree as you do, half white lights and half coloured lights. For some reason this year some of them didn't work when it came time to decorate. It actually looks quite nice I must say.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you have had a very busy year trying to work at all of your dreams, while continuing to be a mother and a wife and doing all the little things you always did before. I relate. My kids are older and this year as I took off with lots of my dreams I knew I would need my family's help and they've been pretty good but I still sometimes feel the resentment and frustrations. I have let go of doing a lot of things during the holidays, actually I didn't decorate this year, my husband and son did that with my daughter. Then my daughter is taking care of the menu of what we are making to bring to my parents and Christmas shopping was at a minimum because that's what we are choosing. The thing that stresses me is that I really wanted to slow down for a few weeks from being online and on the computer doing business stuff and learning different things and instead take time for myself but I see that there's so much that I must continue with that I am having a hard time giving myself permission. But I feel that I will listen to my daughter and take the time I need to rest and re-charge my batteries. I hope you can do the same. And I pray that you can let go of a few things also to lessen your stress level during the holiday season.
Wishing your heart to be filled with Light and Love. Merry Christmas. xo
Thanks so much this is so nice to hear! I hope you have a relaxing holiday!
ReplyDelete